I think all of my toenails are falling off. I just got home from a 9 mile hike/rock scramble and my whole body hurts. It’s the good kind of hurt though. The kind where you feel like you accomplished something incredible. I woke up early this morning and decided to hike Old Rag Mountain. It was a pretty spontaneous decision but I felt like I needed some alone time.
This week has been pretty intense at work and although I only have two weeks left until I go back to the ICU, it feels like some people are upset about it. I can’t help the change, and in fact, I’ve stayed in my job for almost 2 months since I put in my official notice so at this point I don’t feel that there is anything else I can do. I’m just trying to keep my head down for the next two weeks.
My summer course finished on Tuesday which was a nice relief but it made for a busy start to the week. This weekend has been incredible but very busy and filled with socialization. I loved every minute of it and I’m glad that I had today to do my solo hike and regenerate for the week ahead (us introverts need that alone time every now and then).After my hike I stopped at one of my favorite vineyards and bought a bottle of white wine that I plan to sip on tonight. I am home with enough time to order some take out (Thai food will go great with the white blend I bought-the Gibson Hollow 2014 if you’re curious) and try to finish Orange is the New Black.
I know things have been silent around here lately and that’s (mostly) due to the fact that I haven’t had a computer at home. I’ve been using my iPad at home a lot and putting off the time until I actually had to purchase a computer but as classes start next month I figured it was time to bite the bullet and do it.
The other reason why I’ve been is absent is because I’ve been busy. I moved into my first home and had to hard core adult all by myself (while taking a grad school course and working 2 jobs). I’m finally settling into a routine and I feel like the dust is starting to settle. Now that that’s happening I’m reevaluating my life a little and fine tuning what’s important to me. Unfortunately right now, that means that my priorities are changing. I’ve grown so much stronger in the past few years and I’ve become so much more independent. Because of this, I’ve learned that its ok to say no. It’s ok to put your foot down and its ok to stand up for yourself.
I’ve often struggled with asserting my needs and feeling like I’m being too aggressive. When I was younger, I was always told that I was too vocal and that led to the deterioration of certain friendships as I grew up. I think I compensated for that by letting myself swing in the opposite direction during my college/post college years. I’ve learned recently that its possible to set boundaries and that you can’t make everyone happy. Sometimes you have to be a little mean to stand up for yourself-no one else is going to do that for you.
As I enter this new stage in my life, I’m becoming ok with the fact that my relationships are changing. I’m thinking of one in particular as I write this post and I’ve had some time to come to terms with it. While I try to go out of my way for my friends, I don’t have room in my life for those who only have time for me at their convenience. Friendship should involve a give and take from both parties and it shouldn’t just be assumed that because you’ve known someone for ages that you’ll always be around.
If I’ve learned anything this summer its that you shouldn’t hold grudges towards people as we all have struggles. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with knowing when you’ve had enough that its time to let go and move forward.